Is your teenager watching way too much pornography? Well, let's talk about that today on Tips
on Teens. My name is Kent Toussaint. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I specialize
in helping kids, teens, and families to live happier lives. I lead two organizations, Teen
Therapy Center and the nonprofit 501c3 organization, Child and Teen Counseling, both here
in Woodland Hills, California. And every Wednesday at noon, I jump on to Facebook Live to answer
your parenting questions. Let's answer today's. I recently found out that my 14 -year -old
son has been watching porn and not just a little, but a lot. I want to talk to him about it, but I'm
not really sure what the right approach is. I'm worried about porn completely distorting his
idea of what sex and love are and ruining his future relationships. I don't want to shame him,
but I don't want him becoming a porn addict. What can I do? Thank you for your question This is
a rampant part of our society Unfortunately pornography

is Littered throughout the internet and it's impossible to get rid of it So we had to find a way
to live with it. And the best way to do that is through education Educate your child now, how do
you do that? I think the first thing you do is you sit down with them in a comfortable setting and
And you just have to step into that discomfort and try to be the comfortable person in the room
by just putting it out there and say, hey, we need to talk about pornography, what our views are
on it, not from a place of you're wrong and this is bad, more of, hey, we're concerned and we want
to support you. You have to understand that pornography is incredibly stimulating and exciting
to any human, but especially a teenager. I'm not saying it's healthy, but it is just like ice
cream, you know, as a metaphor, you know, it's nothing is exciting right now to your 14 year old
as pornography, maybe video games, I don't know, but it stimulates the brain in a way that other
things cannot. And just telling him

not to do it may not be the best option. You may have to put some restrictions around it too. And
talking about the restrictions you're going to put in place. Again, like we were talking last
week about some apps you can purchase to put on your phone and his phone and his laptop and all
that stuff to limit some internet media. Because if you're expecting him to self -police, he
may not be in a position where his brain is developed that he can do that himself. But again, not
from a place of shame. You're talking about, this is why we want to put this in. We want to allow
you to express yourself as a sexual person. You're 14, you have sexual thoughts and feelings.
That's okay. We want to explore that. But also, here's the thing, and you probably know this
already, but porn has a very slanted view of what sex is. It's not, it's a fantastical view of
what sex is. It's not real. There's no sense of respect and dignity and consent. And that's not
really in the porn environment. So it's really

up to you to start educating them, not just on the biology of sex, but on the relational aspect
of a sexual relationship. And while not every teenager who views porn becomes a porn addict,
obviously it does increase the risk. I'm not trying to say the sky is falling and everyone who
sees porn is going to be a porn addict. That's not true. But it is possible. So the more you can
educate your son, the more you can bring in books on, Hey, this is what sex is. This is what the
female anatomy looks like. This is what the male anatomy looks like. This is how sex works. Um,
this is the different ways to have sex. Again, I know this is a very uncomfortable conversation
for you to have, but someone's got to have it. And it's, if you're relying on his fortune or friends
to have it with him or just the internet in general, I don't think that's a very safe or healthy
place for him to be. This is a huge topic. I give a whole like, I'm giving a workshop on Friday.
And this is gonna be a big part of the

workshop. So I can only touch base, scratch the surface in a sense. But I want to get you start
thinking of how to start setting boundaries through respectful communication, and modeling.
How do you demonstrate respect and dignity in your own life? You know, obviously, you're probably
not having sex in front of your kids, but you do may have a romantic relationship for your kids.
And And is there dignity and respect and kindness and compassion in that? And that modeling,
I think, will help your son integrate some of that in his own life and then be able to project that
into his future relationships. Big topic, I know. I love answering these questions. If you
have more questions on this, give us a call, you know, send us an email or direct messages. And
if you want me to answer your question here on Tips on Teens, email us at tips on teens at teentherapycenter
.com or direct messages. Again, my name is Kent Toussaint with Teen Therapy Center and the nonprofit
Child and Teen Counseling and

I'll see you guys next week. Bye -bye.